How are your boundaries?
If you’re anything like many of my clients, you’re aware that your boundaries could use some help, but you don’t really know where to start. So you kind of leave it up to chance. And that isn’t going so well.
Or perhaps you’re like me when I first heard about boundaries. They sounded like a good idea, but I didn’t even really know why one would want boundaries.
Here are some signs that your boundaries could use a little spring cleaning.
You’re experiencing occasional or frequent:
>compulsion to say yes, even when you want nothing more than to say no
>caving in with persistent requests
>fear of what others might think of you (particularly around appearing selfish)
>sacrificing of your own needs to take care of others
Whew! If you said oui! oui! to even one of those things then here’s what I suggest.
I’ve been noticing a trend recently about fear and health and so I thought it might be helpful to address that.
It seems to me that, although many health professionals likely have the best of intentions, they plant seeds of fear that cause all sorts of subsequent issues.
Here are some recent examples from my own experience.
What do you do when you’re feeling grumpy? Do you immediately make it try to go away and shift into something more positive?
I used to do that, but then I noticed that there’s a little glimmer of something satisfying in grumpiness. It can feel really delicious to thump around, closing cupboards with a little more oomph than is necessary, giving in to slouchy shoulders and down-turned mouth corners.
A few weeks ago, Paul and the kids and I went out cross country skiing. It was a glorious day complete with blue skies, brilliant sun and happy people smiling as they skied past. And I was feeling grumpy. I barely returned smiles and my kids kept asking me what was wrong.
I grumpily reminded them that we don’t use that phrase (what’s wrong - I prefer ‘what’s up’). Feeling grumpy isn’t wrong, it’s a normal human feeling. And it’s part of a whole host of other important feelings that have a heavier quality to them.
There are two...
I hope you’ve had the most magnificent week. If you’re new to the Courageous Self-Care weekly blog/message then a hearty welcome to you. (I’m thinking hearty like a lovely winter stew. With rutabaga. Nothing says hearty like rutabaga, except maybe for turnip. That's pretty robust too.) If you’re a regular, then welcome back. Either way, it’s so fulfilling to connect with you here.
This month, we’ve been exploring the idea of making good friends with Time. It’s an idea worth exploring, because how you feel about Time literally affects every second of your day.
My invitation is to treat time like your BFF and subsequently think thoughts about Time and say things about Time that you would say to someone you love.
The way most people treat Time is pretty unkind ("there’s never enough of you, Time!") When you shift into love and appreciation for time, you’ll start noticing that you get gifts from Time. Yay for gifts!
A lot of people in my life often ask me: How do you get so much done? And stay so calm and happy?
In a moment, I’ll share a few secrets with you.
Before I do that, I want to invite you to this month’s Self-Care Masterclass entitled “How to Overcome Procrastination”. I hear from many people who want to know what to do about procrastination. Of course, there are many “how-to’s” out there, but as with all things Courageous Self-Care, if you just start slapping on solutions, you don’t really get to the core of the issue.
In this month’s masterclass, we’ll be going deep so that you learn what’s getting in the way of making progress on the things that are important to you and then you’ll find out my signature process for taking strategic, inspired action. Interested? If yes, click here to learn more.
Ok. Back to my secrets for getting lots done and staying calm and happy whilst doing the things.
After I posted last week’s message, I realized how funny it was that I declared the topic of February to be TIME. Obviously the normal theme for February is love. But that’s kind of how I am. Floating along happily in my own little iridescent bubble, not necessarily paying attention to normal, mainstream things. So let’s carry on with the discussion of time. I’m going to do something magical here. Watch this.
Did you know that the only way you can really experience time is through your emotions?
If you generally feel stressed out, then that’s how you’re experiencing time.
If you often feel overwhelmed, then same thing: that’s how you’re relating to time.
If you feel calm and peaceful, then that’s how you’re connecting with time.
Remember how we talked about treating time like your best friend? Today’s solutions tie in with that idea.
How do you want to feel when you’re with your best friend?...
So, I’m boldly declaring that February is the month of Time, at least in the world of Courageous Self-Care. I have many thoughts about time and I’ve come a long way with time (pun #1) so I feel like there are some golden nuggets to share over the upcoming weeks.
For today, here’s what I want to say about time: It’s all about your relationship with it. And it all has to do with being present.
This weekend, my family went to Banff. Here’s us doing some cross country skiing in the glorious Rockies.
And here’s my daughter, Zoe, with a cool snow sculpture (pun #2). Which is also a hot snow sculpture, because there’s a fire made out of snow!
Ok, slide show is over. Here comes the point.
I used to be the kind of person who would say things like, “It was too short,” (in response to the question: How was your weekend?)
Or I might have said, “It was great, but it was so busy”.
I don’t say things like that anymore...
What labels do you put on yourself? What labels do you put on others?
I’ve been noticing lately that labels have been causing so much pain, heartache and division.
So, why do we label ourselves then?
In my opinion, it’s because we want to simultaneously belong to something and to declare our uniqueness. And of course, those are polar opposites. We want it all!
The problem with assigning labels is that once we’re convinced that we (or someone else) belongs under a certain heading, we have to prove that it’s true.
Here’s an example.
Once, I attended a retreat where there was a woman who was fanatical about being a vegan. She turned every conversation, regardless of the topic, into a lecture about why she was a vegan and why everyone else listening should be one too. It was fun to be around her.
I ended up in a group with her where we were playing improvisational games. One activity was a “yes” game. We stood in a circle and made up a...
Last week, we discussed (or really it’s more that I told you… not a whole lot of back and forth going on here) how self-care is NOT selfish. And I vehemently urged you to make sure that you have daily practices in place that are self-caring beyond putting on nice-smelling bergamot lotion and having bubbly lavender baths.
Don’t get me wrong, your skin is important and so is time to yourself amidst the bubbles, if that’s what you like, but you can take all the fizzy sudsy soaks you want and things will pretty much be the same when you get out as when you got in. If only a bath could infuse you with a heightened sense of self worth...
Anyway, this week, I’d like to laser in on the topic of food.
Oh food. Glorious food.
Food can certainly be used for self-care. It can also be used for self-sabotage. And pretty much everything in between.
If you’re anything like me, you may have experienced complexities in your relationship with food.
In the last month, I’ve had many conversations with clients, potential clients and other women in my life. Something I keep hearing is that women are concerned that self-care is selfish.
“If I spend time on myself, won’t other people think I’m not there for them?”
“Won’t they think I’m too into myself?”
“How can I really care for others if I’m spending time on me?”
“Isn’t it selfish to want more than I’ve got?”
“If I do what’s right for me, won’t other people get hurt?”
I’ve written this post many times in my head already, and every time, it gets me riled up! Thank goodness I’m writing it for real this time so I can move on.
Warning: This is going to be blunt. If any part of this message seems to hurt or cause a trigger, it’s most likely because it’s true. If you’re feeling fragile today, you might want to save it for another...