I talk to so many clients who are incredibly productive. They set and achieve amazing goals. They’re on the go from morning to night doing both work-type activities and self-care type things like yoga, meditation, eating well and so on. On paper, you would think they have it all. From the outside, their lives look perfect.
And yet, they tell me that there’s something missing. They’re on a mission and they’re living their purpose, but as soon as they accomplish something (like writing a book, getting a million hits on their podcast, landing a new dream client, exponentially increasing their income, selling a home, completing a certification or expanding their team), they say, “Ok! What’s next?”
Can you tell what’s missing? I won’t keep you hangin’... it’s self-acknowledgement and celebration. These two practices are absolutely critical if you want to feel fulfilled, valued and appreciated.
Here’s the thing,...
So, I was out for a run a few days ago (and trust me, when I say those words - I was out for a run- it’s like a miracle, no matter how many times I say it, because I really heavily and intensely avoided anything to do with running for a good 3 decades).
Anyways, I was out for a run and there was a small portion of it that had a really big impact on me. I thought it would probably be helpful for you too. Here’s what happened.
There’s this beautiful route that I run on next to the Elbow River in Calgary. We’re talking scenic rapids, sunlight glinting on water, Canada Geese and Mallard ducks bobbing through the waves. There was even a beaver last week! Gorgeous. (Not the beaver… it looked suspiciously like an R.O.U.S. from the Princess Bride and it felt highly likely that it could attack at any moment.) The route is what’s gorgeous.
Along this river trail, there’s a long stretch of pathway that’s broken up by an intersection....
Earlier this month, I had what an older version of me would have labelled a “bad day”. Let me show you why I wouldn't call it that these days.
First off, I do my best not to use the word “bad” anymore. That way… no bad days! (Yes, this probably sounds over-simplified, but it’s actually really effective.)
If you think about it, “bad” is just an undescriptive word that carries an energy we don’t want to perpetuate, so it’s worth considering giving it the old heave-ho.
Now, here’s what happened that day.
I opened my email in the morning to find out I had been rejected. Ouch! (That’s what my ego said.) Immediately my mind wanted to make up all sorts of stories, so I noticed that tendency and did some breathwork around the feelings of hurt. I also kept turning my thoughts away from the incident. It took a lot of concerted effort, and I endeavoured to stay persistent with it. (And when I say persistent, I mean...
It feels like clarity is up right now. And that’s because when you have clarity, it makes all the difference in your quality of life. At least that's what I've noticed.
When you have clarity, you tend to:
>get more out of life
>have higher quality adventures
>experience more flow
>see challenges for what they really are (hint: growth opportunities)
Here’s an example. Aka Story Time!
In January, I got the sense that it was time to move out of our current home. For the last 3 years, we’ve chosen to live in a lovely, luxurious, intimate condo. Our kids share the master bedroom, Paul and I have the other room and then we have our kitchen, living room and dining room. We moved here for quality of life because it’s right by the river, next door to a world class fitness facility and Paul and the kids could all walk/bike to school/work. We’ve loved it… I mean, there’s even a car wash in the heated parkade....
So… you want to live your purpose, make a real contribution to the world and feel fulfilled while doing it, but you don’t feel like you have enough clarity to make a solid choice and so you stay stuck, wracked with doubt and uncertainty. And who wants to live there? When it comes to getting clarity, there are definitely some do’s and don’ts. We’ll call the don’ts “mistakes” for now.
Are you making any of these top 4 clarity mistakes?
Mistake #1: Many people don’t get what they want out of life, because they never actually take time to determine what it is that they want. The average adult spends more time researching their next television purchase or planning their upcoming holiday than they do determining what will actually make them happy, fulfilled and satisfied, outside of TV watching and vacations.
Clarity requires devoted time. If you’re hoping it will happen on its own, to put it bluntly, it won’t.
Back in the days of yore, my main gig was being a Norwex consultant. I taught people, very enthusiastically, how to clean without chemicals and I was really good at it. We’re talking Top 10 in Sales in North America 3 years running, along with cruises and trips to Hawaii. Good times.
Eventually what I learned from that experience was that I could more or less effectively run my own business. The Norwex chapter closed and gradually (and when I say gradually, I mean like an ancient tortoise ambling down one of those long, empty desert roads, which I realize is improbable, but it is the exact pace I want to convey to you), it evolved into Courageous Self-Care.
I still take orders for Norwex and I passionately use the products. There’s one particular item that people rave about. It’s called the Descaler and it’s amazing for shower doors to get them crystal clear and scale-free.
I always have a bottle of it in my cleaning supply cupboard, and I know how epic it...
Have you seen/heard about the Home Edit? Let’s just say: I’m a fan. If you’re not (yet), the Home Edit is about gorgeously reorganizing spaces in a very practical and strategic way.
Here are a couple of upgrades I’ve done in my house based on their teaching:
(My son, Oakley and I love it! My husband and daughter are not convinced about the rainbow bookshelf yet. Zoe is dismayed that collections have been broken up. I say to the authors: keep your book series spines the same colour so we can all be organizationally satisfied!)
And please, check out my pantry and cupboard. (That feels surprisingly intimate… You’re really getting the inside scoop here.)
There are several steps to the Home Edit (and no, I’m not their affiliate trying to sell you anything… this is going somewhere related to self-care) and the one step that has made the most significant difference to me is the Contain step.
(If you’re opposed to the expression ‘for realz’, I have to say that I am too. I don’t know why it showed up in the title of this message. It just wanted to be there. So be it.)
Now, onto the game-changing info.
Perhaps you’ve heard that what you focus on expands. I would love to share with you a real-life example of how to put that information into action so that your life changes faster than the winner of American Idol (is that still on? I don’t have a TV…)
I was working with a client this week who was noticing that there was a feeling of disconnect with her child and she wanted to change that. She was really longing to feel more connection.
I asked: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the quality of your relationship with your child right now?
She pondered for awhile and then said: 6
Then she immediately wanted to go into all the reasons it wasn’t a 10.
“Hang on!” I interrupted...
How are your boundaries?
If you’re anything like many of my clients, you’re aware that your boundaries could use some help, but you don’t really know where to start. So you kind of leave it up to chance. And that isn’t going so well.
Or perhaps you’re like me when I first heard about boundaries. They sounded like a good idea, but I didn’t even really know why one would want boundaries.
Here are some signs that your boundaries could use a little spring cleaning.
You’re experiencing occasional or frequent:
>compulsion to say yes, even when you want nothing more than to say no
>caving in with persistent requests
>fear of what others might think of you (particularly around appearing selfish)
>sacrificing of your own needs to take care of others
Whew! If you said oui! oui! to even one of those things then here’s what I suggest.
I’ve been noticing a trend recently about fear and health and so I thought it might be helpful to address that.
It seems to me that, although many health professionals likely have the best of intentions, they plant seeds of fear that cause all sorts of subsequent issues.
Here are some recent examples from my own experience.