So… you want to live your purpose, make a real contribution to the world and feel fulfilled while doing it, but you don’t feel like you have enough clarity to make a solid choice and so you stay stuck, wracked with doubt and uncertainty. And who wants to live there? When it comes to getting clarity, there are definitely some do’s and don’ts. We’ll call the don’ts “mistakes” for now.
Are you making any of these top 4 clarity mistakes?
Mistake #1: Many people don’t get what they want out of life, because they never actually take time to determine what it is that they want. The average adult spends more time researching their next television purchase or planning their upcoming holiday than they do determining what will actually make them happy, fulfilled and satisfied, outside of TV watching and vacations.
Clarity requires devoted time. If you’re hoping it will happen on its own, to put it bluntly, it won’t.
Back in the days of yore, my main gig was being a Norwex consultant. I taught people, very enthusiastically, how to clean without chemicals and I was really good at it. We’re talking Top 10 in Sales in North America 3 years running, along with cruises and trips to Hawaii. Good times.
Eventually what I learned from that experience was that I could more or less effectively run my own business. The Norwex chapter closed and gradually (and when I say gradually, I mean like an ancient tortoise ambling down one of those long, empty desert roads, which I realize is improbable, but it is the exact pace I want to convey to you), it evolved into Courageous Self-Care.
I still take orders for Norwex and I passionately use the products. There’s one particular item that people rave about. It’s called the Descaler and it’s amazing for shower doors to get them crystal clear and scale-free.
I always have a bottle of it in my cleaning supply cupboard, and I know how epic it...
Have you seen/heard about the Home Edit? Let’s just say: I’m a fan. If you’re not (yet), the Home Edit is about gorgeously reorganizing spaces in a very practical and strategic way.
Here are a couple of upgrades I’ve done in my house based on their teaching:
(My son, Oakley and I love it! My husband and daughter are not convinced about the rainbow bookshelf yet. Zoe is dismayed that collections have been broken up. I say to the authors: keep your book series spines the same colour so we can all be organizationally satisfied!)
And please, check out my pantry and cupboard. (That feels surprisingly intimate… You’re really getting the inside scoop here.)
There are several steps to the Home Edit (and no, I’m not their affiliate trying to sell you anything… this is going somewhere related to self-care) and the one step that has made the most significant difference to me is the Contain step.
(If you’re opposed to the expression ‘for realz’, I have to say that I am too. I don’t know why it showed up in the title of this message. It just wanted to be there. So be it.)
Now, onto the game-changing info.
Perhaps you’ve heard that what you focus on expands. I would love to share with you a real-life example of how to put that information into action so that your life changes faster than the winner of American Idol (is that still on? I don’t have a TV…)
I was working with a client this week who was noticing that there was a feeling of disconnect with her child and she wanted to change that. She was really longing to feel more connection.
I asked: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the quality of your relationship with your child right now?
She pondered for awhile and then said: 6
Then she immediately wanted to go into all the reasons it wasn’t a 10.
“Hang on!” I interrupted...
How are your boundaries?
If you’re anything like many of my clients, you’re aware that your boundaries could use some help, but you don’t really know where to start. So you kind of leave it up to chance. And that isn’t going so well.
Or perhaps you’re like me when I first heard about boundaries. They sounded like a good idea, but I didn’t even really know why one would want boundaries.
Here are some signs that your boundaries could use a little spring cleaning.
You’re experiencing occasional or frequent:
>compulsion to say yes, even when you want nothing more than to say no
>caving in with persistent requests
>fear of what others might think of you (particularly around appearing selfish)
>sacrificing of your own needs to take care of others
Whew! If you said oui! oui! to even one of those things then here’s what I suggest.
I’ve been noticing a trend recently about fear and health and so I thought it might be helpful to address that.
It seems to me that, although many health professionals likely have the best of intentions, they plant seeds of fear that cause all sorts of subsequent issues.
Here are some recent examples from my own experience.
What do you do when you’re feeling grumpy? Do you immediately make it try to go away and shift into something more positive?
I used to do that, but then I noticed that there’s a little glimmer of something satisfying in grumpiness. It can feel really delicious to thump around, closing cupboards with a little more oomph than is necessary, giving in to slouchy shoulders and down-turned mouth corners.
A few weeks ago, Paul and the kids and I went out cross country skiing. It was a glorious day complete with blue skies, brilliant sun and happy people smiling as they skied past. And I was feeling grumpy. I barely returned smiles and my kids kept asking me what was wrong.
I grumpily reminded them that we don’t use that phrase (what’s wrong - I prefer ‘what’s up’). Feeling grumpy isn’t wrong, it’s a normal human feeling. And it’s part of a whole host of other important feelings that have a heavier quality to them.
There are two...
I hope you’ve had the most magnificent week. If you’re new to the Courageous Self-Care weekly blog/message then a hearty welcome to you. (I’m thinking hearty like a lovely winter stew. With rutabaga. Nothing says hearty like rutabaga, except maybe for turnip. That's pretty robust too.) If you’re a regular, then welcome back. Either way, it’s so fulfilling to connect with you here.
This month, we’ve been exploring the idea of making good friends with Time. It’s an idea worth exploring, because how you feel about Time literally affects every second of your day.
My invitation is to treat time like your BFF and subsequently think thoughts about Time and say things about Time that you would say to someone you love.
The way most people treat Time is pretty unkind ("there’s never enough of you, Time!") When you shift into love and appreciation for time, you’ll start noticing that you get gifts from Time. Yay for gifts!
A lot of people in my life often ask me: How do you get so much done? And stay so calm and happy?
In a moment, I’ll share a few secrets with you.
Before I do that, I want to invite you to this month’s Self-Care Masterclass entitled “How to Overcome Procrastination”. I hear from many people who want to know what to do about procrastination. Of course, there are many “how-to’s” out there, but as with all things Courageous Self-Care, if you just start slapping on solutions, you don’t really get to the core of the issue.
In this month’s masterclass, we’ll be going deep so that you learn what’s getting in the way of making progress on the things that are important to you and then you’ll find out my signature process for taking strategic, inspired action. Interested? If yes, click here to learn more.
Ok. Back to my secrets for getting lots done and staying calm and happy whilst doing the things.
After I posted last week’s message, I realized how funny it was that I declared the topic of February to be TIME. Obviously the normal theme for February is love. But that’s kind of how I am. Floating along happily in my own little iridescent bubble, not necessarily paying attention to normal, mainstream things. So let’s carry on with the discussion of time. I’m going to do something magical here. Watch this.
Did you know that the only way you can really experience time is through your emotions?
If you generally feel stressed out, then that’s how you’re experiencing time.
If you often feel overwhelmed, then same thing: that’s how you’re relating to time.
If you feel calm and peaceful, then that’s how you’re connecting with time.
Remember how we talked about treating time like your best friend? Today’s solutions tie in with that idea.
How do you want to feel when you’re with your best friend?...