How to find the delicate balance between holding on and letting go

Uncategorized Jan 02, 2024

Happy New Year!

I hope you’ve been having as much fun with year-end and new beginnings as we have over here.

Our Courageous Self-Care Conscious New Year’s Celebration was so sacred and special. Thank you to all who attended. 

On the home front, our family has been enjoying the mild winter weather during our daily walks and we’ve been taking as much downtime as possible.

We’ve been enjoying meals out (Indian and Thai are our favourites), movies and even a couple of rounds of bowling to ring in 2024. (Bowling is not my preferred way to spend time, but Oakley absolutely loves it and requested that we do that on New Year's Day. Zoe was in a benevolent mood and agreed that we should do some 10-pin and so it was.)

One movie that Oakley and I enjoyed was Christmas As Usual on Netflix. It’s a story about cultures colliding when a newly engaged couple tries to navigate the delicate balance between tradition (on the Norwegian side) and trying new things (from the Indian side). 

Much hilarity ensues, and the movie also poses the question, “How much do we stick with rituals from the past while making room for the new?”

It’s been a helpful question to ponder over the course of our holiday as well. 

I’m not a huge one for tradition; I tend to love change, newness and novelty. However, being the complex human that I am, I also appreciate the occasional custom. And so, there’s been the opportunity to grow, go with the flow and let go of expectations over our holiday season this year.

Adapting to Change

For example, Paul, Zoe, Oakley and I have always done Christmas morning on our own first and then gathered with my parents and family to open more gifts and have brunch. This year was different. We ended up staying at home and having breakfast on our own and then had a big family dinner together later in the day.

Had I been super attached to doing things the way that we’ve done them for over a decade, I would have experienced suffering. Instead, I let go of how I thought the day was “supposed to” unfold and opened up to a different experience, which was actually very restful and exactly what we all needed. 

A Different New Year's

Another example was New Year’s Eve. For the past many years, the four of us have done a releasing fire to let go of what no longer serves us and then call in our heart’s desires. I’ve deeply loved this ritual because it feels sacred, special and connecting. 

This year, because our kids our now 18 and 15, they wanted to be with their friends. It looked like our special family ritual wasn’t going to happen, at least in the same way. I asked everyone what the ideal New Year’s Eve looked like and we went from there.

We ended up going out for a very early dinner at one of our favourite restaurants - Ten Foot Henry - and then we drove the kids to their destinations. Paul and I met back at home, and although we’d been invited to a cocktail party, we opted to snuggle on the couch with a movie. 

Even though our night was different from how I thought it would be and very different from previous years, I consciously detached from how we’d done it in the past and from my expectations.

The best part was that the kids still wanted to do the releasing fire and they suggested we do it on New Year’s Day instead, which worked out just fine. 

Normally, we go cross-country skiing on New Year’s Day but this year, because it’s been so mild, there wasn’t enough snow. We met as a family and asked what everyone would love to do and that’s how we ended up going for a walk by the reservoir and then 10-pin bowling. 

I think that going with the flow is finding the delicate balance between expectations - what you thought was going to happen - and what ends up happening. There is a choice between how much you hold on to and how much you can let go. 

A version of me from the past used to get really attached to wanting things to go my way, so I would control as much as possible. Fortunately, I’ve been evolving and surrendering (most of the) control. 

Plans are only...

One of my husband’s favourite sayings is that “plans are only estimations of the future”. I’ve learned that being attached to plans unfolding exactly as I imagined causes me great suffering. 

As I continue to grow and evolve, I work at being less attached and knowing that even if things unfold very differently from how I thought they were going to, they will always work out. 

To me, the most important things with my family are to connect, be harmonious and share love and that can happen whether we’re bowling or skiing and whether we do the releasing fire on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. 

I invite you to take a peek at your life and see if you have any attachment to how you thought things were supposed to turn out or how they should be going. If you find anything, the next thing to do is to get clear on what you really want and see if you can be a little more flexible in finding more of that, even if it’s showing up differently from how you anticipated. 

When you can find that delicate balance between releasing expectations and being open to the new, you’ll find that there’s even more room for joy, happiness, and whatever else it is that you desire.

May you experience all sorts of flow and an influx of the energies that you most want in this coming year. 

With divine love and rising courage,


>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Totally loved The Boys in the Boat - go see it!

>Fingers crossed for some X-country skiing snow in the near future

PS - Stay tuned in the next few weeks for a Visioning workshop to help get clarity on what you most want for yourself in 2024. Details coming soon.


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Since it’s the start of something fresh and new, here’s a song to get the year off to an uplifting beginning. I use this song at many of my events and online sessions because it’s positive, contagiously happy and a great reminder of our collective energy.

It’s called Joy Generation by the Brothers Koren. Have yourself a little New Year’s dance and I promise you’ll feel energized, hopeful and open to possibility. 

Listen to Joy Generation on iTunes

Listen to Joy Generation on Spotify