The hidden benefits of softening on the inside

Uncategorized Jan 23, 2024

Today, I’m writing to you from a parking lot where we pulled over when got a flat tire on the way to the kids’ martial arts class. I popped them in an Uber so they’re all set, my husband is on his way from school in another Uber and I’m loving our heated seats and the warm laptop. (It’s -22 Celsius right now so I’m very grateful for all the layers I put on.)

Roadside assistance is booked (and has a wait time of 2 hours), so what better way to wait it out than to do some writing? 

Fortunately, I have a thermos full of hot water and some walnuts that just happen to be in the car. What an adventure!

Anyway, what I wanted to write about today are the benefits of softening on the inside. 

Several years ago, when I started learning from Dr Sue Morter, one of her promises was that by implementing what she taught, you would soften on the inside. Although that sounded good to me, I really had no frame of reference for what she meant.

Five years later, I can say for sure that I get it. Now I can see that I used to be very hard on the inside, meaning hard on myself. I worked hard, I demanded a lot and my expectations were stratospheric (for myself and others). As you can guess, I was a lot of fun. 

Now, though, I’ve learned to be way more kind and gentle, especially on the inside. Things are no longer so black and white and, as a result, I’m able to receive so much more good out of life. 

Here’s an example 

Before we had kids, Paul and I had a TV problem. It was the only way we knew how to relax after a long day of teaching and so we turned to that captivating box pretty much every day for many hours. 

At a certain point (when we let dishes go mouldy in the sink - an especially low moment), we decided we needed to do something different so we got rid of the TV altogether, which helped immensely. 

We’ve been a no-TV family ever since. We still watch stuff on our computers like Netflix from time to time, but it’s been a far less significant part of our lives to not have a screen looming over us, beckoning us to watch. 

Then, late last year, we were gifted a brand new giant-screen TV through a series of serendipitous events. I didn’t think it was so serendipitous at the time because I liked not having a TV. It was part of the way I defined myself. 

Paul said he was tired of watching movies on iPads and laptops, though, and that we should just try it. We could put it in the basement, he suggested. I acquiesced in a disgruntled way.  

(Update: Paul has arrived and is changing the tire - hooray! He would have driven here except the other car that we’ve been using had an incident two days ago where all the lights in the dashboard went on and then the car just died. How very interesting, to say the least.)

Benefits of Softening & Releasing Rigidity

Back to the new TV. Since installing the giant screen, because I was able to soften enough to let go of my black-and-white hardness, I’ve seen some great benefits. 

My favourite unexpected moment was when I went downstairs the other day and saw Zoe learning how to wield her new full-sized practice sword using a YouTube video on the big screen.

It has also been used for TRX workouts by various family members. (Not including me yet; I still have to figure out how to access that kind of content using the remote control which remains slightly mysterious.)

It hadn’t occurred to me that the new screen would be used for good; I just thought it could potentially bring back our old habit (which it hasn’t). 

Lesson Learned

The lesson I learned here is that softening on the inside and opening up to the unknown creates opportunities for new possibilities that couldn’t even have been imagined. 

Just because you’ve been doing things a certain way for a certain amount of time doesn’t mean that’s the best way. It’s important to remain malleable enough to allow for growth and evolution. 

And now my hands are so cold that I have to stop typing and put them right on the heated seat. Fortunately, the spare is just about on and we’ll be on our way shortly. 

May you have a week filled with flexibility and softening into new possibilities. 

With evolving love and expansive courage,


>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Again - so grateful for heated seats

>Headed into the unknown now that all of our plans have changed for the rest of the day!

PS - Last chance to register for Visioning 2024:How to Get Crystal Clear and Take Inspired Action. In this live online masterclass, you’ll get clear on where you’re at now, where you want to go this year and the actions to take to get there. Click here for all the details.  

My son, Oakley, and I watched a super movie this week. It’s a Danish movie on Netflix called A Beautiful Life. It’s a story about a fisherman who has the opportunity to pursue his dream as a musician. The music is gorgeous (see the song of the week below for a sample) and the last scene is one of my favourite movie endings ever!

I highly recommend it. Both Oakley and I loved it. *There’s a lot of swearing but if that doesn’t phase you then go for it!

This week’s song comes to you from the Netflix movie, A Beautiful Life (see the recommendation section above for more details.)

This tune got written over the course of the movie and every time it came on, Oakley and I would sing along, even though we’d never heard it before. It’s gorgeous, singable, relatable and leaves you wanting more (at least it did for us - we looked it up right after the movie ended to see if it was available and - success! - it is).

The musician is Christopher and I’ve added all his music to my library. You can get started with this song, called Hope This Song Is For You

Listen to Hope This Song is for You on iTunes

Listen to Hope This Song is for You on Spotify