The Beauty in the Black Belt

My son’s 10-year journey toward getting his black belt in mixed martial arts came to a climax last weekend with his gruelling 4.5 hour black belt test.

Preparations & Jitters

He prepared intensely for months, going to classes 5 times/week for 2-3 hours. In addition to that, the black belt test encompassed philosophy, requiring that the candidates reflect on their time at the Tao of Peace and illustrate their learnings by answering questions and creating an artifact. 

Here's Oakley with his artifact. He stripped an old guitar and burned on images that represent who he has become through martial arts training. And then - spoiler alert - here he is with his black belt!

There were, of course, a lot of nerves and a great sense of anticipation going into the test. Oakley had seen many other black belt tests over the years, so he knew what to expect (more or less). The challenge became seeing how he would show up within the known context. 

He begrudgingly did a brief breathwork session the morning of to get into the best mindset possible and I filled up his body with supportive nutrition.

The Test - Grit, Stamina & the Unexpected

Five young men participated in the test. They began with a fairly intense warm-up, followed by a couple of hours of demonstrating their skills in punches, rolls, kicks, dives, weapons, and group patterns.

They also worked for months on creating their own individual pattern. Oakley frequently asked us to watch him perform his pattern in our living room (which was not at all close to the actual pattern because -  no room and no mats). However, he got to run through it in his mind, so the practice was worth it. 

We were so proud to see him perform full-out on test day for dozens of spectators. He remained calm, centered and focused. Later, he told us that he actually ended up improvising a section. He was surprised that his body took over and added a few extra skills. He just went with the flow and eventually found his way back to his plan. Such a great metaphor for life! Fortunately, if you can go with the flow under pressure with people watching, that skill is likely to translate off the mat as well.

Next, the candidates broke boards. In their dojo, this skill is not practiced prior to the black belt test because, as in life, sometimes we have to do hard things with no preparation. Oakley sailed through that part and the relief was palpable. 

Finally, the test culminated in joint-lock (basically getting attacked by other black belts and instructors and using rehearsed movements to get free) and sparring. 

The young men did 10 rounds of 3-minute sparring intervals. I’m not sure if you ‘ve ever done anything like sparring but when I was in University, I took a boxing class and on the last day, we worked up to 10 seconds of full-out punching on a bag. It was the longest 10 seconds of my life. I can’t even imagine 10 rounds of 3 minutes each. Eternity x 10x!

The sparring was epic because, by this point, 4 hours into the test, the boys were exhausted. Then they were required to go past that exhaustion, through pain, and keep going. It was beautiful. There were tears from contestants, instructors and throughout the crowd. What a gift to witness human beings being gritty, finding strength they didn’t know they had and persevering through adversity. I’m teary just thinking about it. 

And then it was done. 

Young Men & Sacred Emotions

The boys were asked if they wanted to share anything before the black belt ceremony. Oakley spoke up, saying that he wanted to thank the instructors and his parents for all the support. He got very emotional and that really led to tears flowing - from his proud parents, from other parents, and the other contestants.

I love with all my heart that we live in a time where it’s becoming okay for boys and men to cry and be real. I’ve always said to Oakley that only the most courageous men cry. It takes real strength to be seen in all of our emotions, especially for young men. 

A Rite of Passage

The black belt test felt like a rite of passage, which is such a gift for young men these days. In our culture, the only indications that a boy becomes a man are driving, voting, drinking alcohol and accessing porn legally. It’s so powerful to have a meaningful event that focuses on the inner traits of a man and what it means to be a good citizen of the world. 

The decade of trips across the city to the Tao was worth it. 

My Favourite Part

The next day, Oakley, Paul and I were out for a walk (or a hobble for Oakley - he was quite sore). He said, “You know what was my favourite part of the black belt test?”

“What?” we asked. 

“I loved the part where everyone kept cheering for Daniel and encouraging him.”

Daniel is a young man with Down’s Syndrome who had been training at the Tao for even more than a decade. Due to neck surgery at some point in his history, he wasn’t able to do rolls and so his alternative was flying side kicks over the bamboo that the other kids were diving over. 

It took a lot of coordination to run up to the bamboo and then leap over it in various ways. Daniel had to try a few times for each kick. He’s give it a go, get it wrong and listen to the instructors giving him tips. Then he’d try again. Each time, the audience and other participants would cheer for him. When he succeeded, the crowd went wild. 

It was definitely heartwarming to witness and when Oakley said that was his favourite part, my heart just melted. I don’t know if you have any teenage boys in your life but I’ve noticed they can sometimes show up as entitled and self-centered. My faith was restored in who Oakley really is at his core; generous, humble and loving. 

A New Beginning

It’s said that a black belt is just the beginning. Martial artists start with a white belt and then go through various other colours, culminating in black. The beauty of a black belt is that as the martial artist trains and continues to learn, the black belt eventually frays and the edges turn white. This metaphor reminds the students to have a beginner's mindset and to be open to learning, no matter how much experience they have. 

I feel like Oakley is off to a great start in this next chapter. 

Click here to see a short compilation video of Oakley’s test on Instagram

May you have a week where you also get a glimpse of the depths of your magnificence.

With great love and brilliant courage,

Christina

>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>so grateful to only be going to the Tao three times per week now

>when we went out for sushi after the test to celebrate, Paul and I felt so safe - what with two freakishly strong kids with black belts!

If you live in Calgary, OMG… you must attend this event. (And if you don’t, we’ll do it online later this month so keep reading.)

I’m hosting a pop-up 9D Breathwork session on Saturday, December 7 and it is phenomenal.

⚡️Life changing. Transformative. Powerful. ⚡️

The journey is Healing your Inner Child

In the past, any inner child work I’ve done has been gentle with the tone of: ask your inner child what they want and then do it. If they want ice cream, eat it. If they want to pick dandelions, go do that. 

While that’s nice and serves a purpose, it’s only partial work. 

This breathwork journey gets in there. You courageously address the not-so-awesome parts of your childhood and learn exactly how to re-parent yourself and heal from challenging situations and traumas. 

It’s epic and has the potential to truly change everything. 😲

The feeling I had coming out was indescribable in the best way possible. Then, that night, I had a dream that I could fly. I know it was related to the breathwork journey. 

My favourite line from the experience was: Trauma that happened to you as a child is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal it. 

This journey offers instantaneous healing. You could talk about your childhood challenges for decades or you could take two hours and do the powerful work to find resolution now. 

Please join us if you feel called. It’s the best gift you could give yourself. 🎁

Details and registration are here

⭐️There are just a few spaces left⭐️

In honour of Oakley’s black belt, of course, I have to recommend Eye of the Tiger. 🐅

I’m sure you could sing it to yourself right now and, even so, I encourage you to search it up and have a listen. You can’t not feel invigorated and pumped up when you listen to this song. Hey, you could even throw a few punches if you like!

(When I was little, it was my great joy to learn this song on the piano. I thought it was so epic. It was, in fact, not epic, but hey, I felt the power regardless.)