You can’t argue with the truth

As I’ve worked with clients over the years, I’ve often heard them say things like:

• I’m so behind/I’ve got to catch up
• At my age, I thought I would have been further along
• I should know better by now
• I thought I dealt with this issue - what’s wrong with me?

Sound familiar? I used to say those things too. That is, until I discovered that these phrases and thought patterns are designed to do the one thing that’s most threatening to the part of the mind that wants to control everything…

These phrases and their relations are ways that we perpetuate our old habit of being hard on ourselves. Oh so hard. (I was going to include a simile about being hard, but that might take things in a different direction, so I’ll just leave it at that.)

You might wonder: why are we in the habit of being hard on ourselves?

Well, it’s just that, a habit. Also, it’s easier to be hard on yourself and focus on your shortcomings until it isn’t. Being generous, kind and gentle with yourself can become easy, and initially, it takes a concerted effort to change what’s going on upstairs. 

First, you need to be conscious that it’s happening. Then, you have to want to change the old patterns. Finally, persistence is key. None of this “I tried for a week and it didn’t work, so that’s that.” If you have 10,763 thoughts that perpetuate the pattern of beating yourself up, then you’ll need to have 10,764 thoughts that are the direct opposite. 

Another reason that people can be so hard on themselves has to do with presence. I remember reading in the book Happy Money by Ken Honda, that what everyone wants, deep down, is to be more present. When we’re present, there’s pervasive peace, regardless of what’s happening in the outer world. 

The thing about presence is that you have to be totally ok with the past to be fully present. You also have to be totally ok about the future (aka the unknown) to be present. So, that means if you’ve got regrets or unresolved emotions about the past, and you look towards the future with dread, worry or uneasiness, you won’t really be able to experience the depth and breadth of the present. 

The phrases listed above are all symptoms of self-judgments that have the flavour of regret or lack of trust (in yourself, in the Universe, in others).

Being the solutions-oriented kind of gal that I am, let’s take a look at what you can do with those phrases.

• I’m so behind/I’ve got to catch up

If you feel like you’re perpetually behind, or you berate yourself for needing to catch up, that’s putting all your focus on what you haven’t done. Instead, I recommend tearing your mind away from the lack side of things and facing instead towards what you have done. Heads up: this can be easier said than done. That’s why I used the word tearing. When you intentionally bring your focus to what you have done, you’ll be aligning with abundance. Once you start listing all the things you have done (either mentally or on paper), then, the icing on the cake is to celebrate them with a big ol’ Yay Me! Just say it out loud with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. It may sound silly, but it’s one of the practices that’s made the hugest difference in my life. 

• At my age, I thought I would have been further along

Who says you should be anywhere besides where you are right now? Well, probably your mind, but here’s a tip. Your mind makes things up. You don’t have to believe everything you think. Whew! What a relief! 

You simply can’t argue with the truth. If something’s happening or not happening, and you think it should be the opposite, you can rest assured that it’s happening for a reason. And that reason is to serve your expansion. If you think you should be “further along” tell your mind to lay off. You’re exactly where you need to be. How do you know? Because that’s what’s happening. You can’t argue with the truth. Once you embrace what is, it will be much easier to make changes, if that’s what’s emerging. Ask yourself, “If this was happening for my highest expansion, what is it that I’m supposed to be getting out of it right now?” Dig deep for the answer. That’s being gentle with yourself.

• I should know better by now

Kind of the same flavour as the last one, right? In this case, I love the idea from Maya Angelou that I’m doing the best I can and when I know better, I’ll do better. You simply can’t know something you don’t know, so again, if this thought pattern shows up, tell your mind to lay off. Insist that you’re truly doing your best (because we always are). If your mind wants to argue, or play like a broken record, shift your focus to taking deep belly breaths. That gets your brain out of fight or flight, which allows you to think more clearly and turn off the recording. Then, choose some new thoughts that make you feel great instead of lousy, even if they don’t feel fully true. That will change over time. Remember; be persistent.

• I thought I dealt with this issue - what’s wrong with me?

For those who have been ‘on the journey’ for a while now, it can sometimes seem like you’re dealing with the same issues over and over. That can lead to feelings of failure, or like you’re just not getting it right. 

For example, I had a session with a Master Qi Gong practitioner a few years back, who took one look at my energy and said, “Hmm. Perfectionism. Always trying to get things right.” I was so disappointed, because I had been working on it for so long, and clearly I hadn’t yet perfected how to not be a perfectionist!

Here’s the thing. If the same issue seems to be showing up and you thought you dealt with it, what’s actually happening is that you’ve gone deeper. The next layer is being revealed to be healed. Everything you dealt with previously and worked on so diligently has led you to this current revelation. It’s not failure at all. It’s that you’ve had so much success that you’ve been gifted the opportunity to work on it with a slightly different twist.

We all have our life’s curriculum. It’s been custom-designed precisely for each and everyone of us. No one’s path will look exactly like someone else’s. That’s why you can’t really compare yourself to anyone else. They’re getting what they need and you’re getting what you need. Letting that be true and embracing what is can be incredibly freeing. 

Here’s what that looks like for me. I decided to accept and even love that I can be perfectionistic. It means I produce high quality work. It means I take excellent care of myself. It means I’m consistently looking for ways to make great things even better. It means I have high standards for myself and others and that creates space to rise up to and meet or exceed those expectations. 

As you can see from each of these examples, a new outlook can change everything. Your mind, although it can have its drawbacks, is also a magnificent thing. It can shift to a new perspective. It can remind you to take a deep breath. It can show you the next area of study in your life’s curriculum. 

My hope is that you’ve found an idea here that’s like a breath of fresh air. One new idea can change everything. That’s been my experience, anyway. 

Wishing you a week filled with deep gentleness and kindness folded inside out so you’re the first one to experience it. 

With compassionate love and tender courage,

Christina

*Creator of Courageous Self-Care

*Still not perfect (and embracing it)

*Self-Love Crusador