HOW TO CUT DOWN ON PEOPLE PLEASING AND SEEK YOUR OWN APPROVAL FIRST// Why do I care what other people think? That’s a question we should consider. In this video, you’ll learn how to care less what others think about you and how to stop worrying what others think of you. You’ll find out how to use internal self care strategies and strategic self care so that you dont care what others think. Not caring what others think is a powerful way to practice Courageous Self-Care. After watching this video, you’ll know how to not care what everyone thinks and how to stop caring about peoples opinions.
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Are you a people pleaser? Do you care a lot about what other people think about you? Well, unfortunately those two habits can be draining away your energy leaving you feeling depleted and exhausted.
Hi, I'm Christina Marlett, creator of Courageous Self Care and author of How Ugly Awkward Dancing Changes Everything. Today I'm going to show you how to cut down on the people pleasing and how to seek your own approval first in three simple steps.
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If you're spending a lot of time doing things for other people even though you don't want to or you find that you're acting in an inauthentic way, well today is your lucky day. By the end of this video you will learn how to care less about what other people think about you in three simple steps.
One of the compliments I get most often and value the most is when people say to me, "Christina, you just marched to the beat of your own drum." I love it when I hear that because that means that I am being authentic to myself. I'm following my intuition and I'm paying attention to my own needs.
What I did is I took some time to break down how I came to be that way and I'm going to share it with you in those three simple steps. Be sure to stick around until the end of the video because I have a resource that I created for you that is an absolute must have if you want more overflowing energy.
Step number one. Notice when you're saying yes to others but no to yourself. Every time you say yes to someone else's request what you should be asking yourself is am I sacrificing who I am or my values or my own needs in order to say that yes?
You see, every yes actually has a no side as well. When you say yes to someone else and you're putting yourself last you are saying no to your own wellbeing. Here's an example. Let's say that the school council, someone called you up and said, "Oh my gosh. We're in a panic. We need 200 sugar cookies for the bake sale tomorrow. Can you do it? We know we can count on you." Yet, you had a yoga class scheduled for the evening. You had scheduled your me time.
If you say yes to the school council you are saying no to your own needs. In the next step I'll show you how to say no to avoid people pleasing and yes to yourself first.
Step number two. Seek your own approval first. A few years ago I realized that if I asked myself the following question I would make better decisions. The question is am I doing this out of obligation? Oh my gosh. I realized I was doing so many things out of obligation. I felt obliged because I was concerned about other people's judgment or I felt like I had to to please them. No wonder I was running low on energy. I was saying yes to them but no to myself.
Saying yes to yourself first for a lot of women especially can be really uncomfortable. I made a video previously about stretching and expanding your comfort zone or what I like to call your familiarity zone. There's a little signup in the corner if you want to learn more about that.
One time, this is another school example of me this time, I was at a school function. One of the moms came up to me and said, "Christina, would you be able to volunteer at this event? I thought about it for a moment and that's always a good thing to do, pause before a yes slips out of your mouth out of habit. I went inside. Some people even take up to 24 hours to make a decision whenever someone asks them a question to do something for them because 24 hours gives you a lot of breathing space to figure out if you're doing it for their approval or your own approval.
Anyways, I was at this event and this mom said, "Christina, we would love for you or would you be willing to help us out at this next event?" I paused, I thought about it and I said, "You know, I like to attend that event but I don't want to volunteer at it. I just want to be there and enjoy it with my kids so I'm going to pass on that one, but I do love to volunteer in the kids' classrooms so how I'll be fulfilling my volunteer hours."
She looked at me and she said, "How did you just do that? I wish I could say no like that. I don't even want to be volunteering at this event." That's another great thing. When we seek our own approval first we are showing other people how to do it as well. We're teaching them and we are living by example. Plus, we give them permission to do it for themselves.
Let's pause here. I have a question for you. I'm curious, what is something that you have doing out of obligation? Please share in the comments and don't be shy because we're creating a community here. Each time someone has the courage to share what's going on on the inside, to express themselves authentically, it gives everyone else courage and permission to do the same. I would love to hear what you've been doing out of obligation that you're ready to now say, "You know what? I'm going to say yes to me first instead of yes to them and no to myself."
Step number three. Put this knowledge into action. The way I see it, seeking your own approval first and risking other people's judgment and opinion of you is a powerful form of courageous self care. You can give your no with confidence and compassion. In the example I just gave saying no to the mom who was asking for assistance, I showed her how I prioritized my own wellbeing, but I didn't make her feel bad about it. I said it with compassion and I also left the door open saying, "I do love to volunteer and I'll do it this way instead."
Leaving that door open will actually win people's admiration just like this particular woman said to me. It is self care to seek our own approval first. I challenge you during this week to be very cognizant of what you are saying yes to. See if it's actually serving you and if it's not, if you're not wholeheartedly involved energetically to do the task that's being asked of you, see what it's like to say no. You can do it in a very compassionate and loving way.
Now you know the three simple steps to cut down on people pleasing and seek your own approval first. That is one way that I've uncovered that we tend to drain our energy without knowing it. There are nine other ways, nine other ways that we tend to drain our energy without even realizing it.
What I've done is I've created a mini course for you. It's called The Top 10 Energy Drains. It takes you through what they are and then how to plug up those drains so that you have more energy for yourself and then as a result, more energy to give to others. You can find the link to get that mini course in the description below this video.
Also, I would love to invite you to become part of our courageous self care Facebook community. This is a group of like-minded women who are learning to practice self care without the guilt, without the people pleasing, learning how to prioritize their own wellbeing. Please join us there. I would love to have you. You can find the link in the description below the video.
If you enjoyed this video please let me know by giving a like. You can leave a comment. Please share it with your friends and be sure to subscribe to this channel because there is life changing content coming at you every Thursday. Be sure to tune in next week when I'll be sharing a secret self care strategy that you will not find anywhere else.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm Christina Marlett, the creator of Courageous Self Care and your self care coach.
Quick question, did you catch last week's video? We covered how seeking your purpose could be causing you hidden stress. You do not want hidden stress. No one does so be sure to watch that video. If you haven't watched it is on the screen right now. You can click and magically be whisked away to learn about that.
Thank you so much for watching. I look forward to connecting with you again next time. Bye bye for now.