In the last month, I’ve had many conversations with clients, potential clients and other women in my life. Something I keep hearing is that women are concerned that self-care is selfish.
“If I spend time on myself, won’t other people think I’m not there for them?”
“Won’t they think I’m too into myself?”
“How can I really care for others if I’m spending time on me?”
“Isn’t it selfish to want more than I’ve got?”
“If I do what’s right for me, won’t other people get hurt?”
I’ve written this post many times in my head already, and every time, it gets me riled up! Thank goodness I’m writing it for real this time so I can move on.
Warning: This is going to be blunt. If any part of this message seems to hurt or cause a trigger, it’s most likely because it’s true. If you’re feeling fragile today, you might want to save it for another day. But if you’re ready, let’s forge ahead.
So, is it selfish to focus on your own personal well-being?
No. It’s not.
What IS selfish is to dump your emotions on others instead of learning to deal with them masterfully and in a mature manner.
What IS selfish is to ignore people around you when you’re lost in your head, dissecting conversations from the past, trying to determine what she meant when she said that or if there was something better you could have said…
What IS selfish is trying to control those around you because you haven’t been able to access your own sense of personal power.
What IS selfish is tuning out your loved ones with your phone or the TV because you’re trying not to feel uncomfortable feelings.
What IS selfish is wandering through life claiming you don’t know your purpose and thereby withholding your gifts from the world. (Hint: your purpose in life is to wake up to your own brilliance. It's to feel fully alive. Full stop.)
I can confidently say these things, because I've been there. I know the pain of living in each of these situations.
Now. Let’s look at the other side.
What’s not selfish:
There is a direct correlation between consistent daily self-care practices and your quality of life. Do you want to be the person living the life from the first section or the second section of this message?
Obviously you want to be the not-selfish-person, right?
So here’s what you need in your life then. Daily practices like breath work, meditation, moving your body with joy, managing your thoughts and emotional mastery to name a few.
Here’s the stand I’m taking.
Not taking time to do daily self-care practices is selfish. When you don’t prioritize your own well-being, you simply don’t have the reserves or the presence to show up in your life in a way that makes a positive impact. And then you go around feeling guilty and not enough and undeserving.
When you devote some time every day to your own well-being, however, you have more love to give, more presence, more calm under pressure, more harmony, and more of everything you actually want.
And then people say to me, "Well can't you go too far the other way?" And I say, "Yes! Of course you can. I've done it myself!" In a few moments I'll share with you how not to do that.
For now...clearly I would love for you to be doing daily self-care practices so that you can be the person you want to be, for yourself and for others.
For months, I’ve been working behind the scenes on creating resources to help support you in your Courageous Self-Care. Today, I’m thrilled to say that they are ready! You may not have known that you were waiting, but the wait is over!
What’s different about the support I’m providing from most of the other stuff I’ve seen out there is that I’m not going to overload you with info, give you the how-to and then expect you to go off on your own and make it happen. I’ve seen how that doesn’t work and how it leads to overwhelm.
Instead, I’m keen to provide you with what’s called “Done With You” Solutions. That means you don’t do it by yourself on your own time. Instead, I guide you through it on scheduled calls so by the time we’re through, it’s done. And you breathe a lovely sigh of relief. Ahh.
There are a few options for support. There’s the Life Preserver, which is for you if you’ve got some tools and resources but you need some help reigning it all in and getting organized.
This is also the solution if you've swung too far the other way and all your self-care to-do's seems to be dominating the landscape of your days.
If you don’t really have daily practices and you’re looking for gaining some serious traction in getting unstuck and making progress in your life, there's’ the LifeBoat Solution.
And if your life’s a total chaotic situation of overwhelm, there’s the Coast Guard option, where we work together one to one. I only have room for a couple more personal clients, so if that’s calling to you, I suggest you hop on it, lickety-split.
To get more info on Action Inspired Courageous Self-Care Solutions, take a little trip over to this link. I’ve seen what happens in my clients’ lives when they start to implement daily self-care.
One client finally worked up the courage to quit her job where her demanding boss treated her like a doormat for over 20 years.
Another navigated through a tricky divorce and started living for herself instead of trying to make everyone else happy by putting her own needs at the bottom of the list.
And another started to notice how she no longer had to take on other people’s energy once she got more confident in herself.
Self-care is not selfish. It’s a critical ingredient to becoming the person you want to be. It helps you serve others fully. And - bonus! - it makes life so much more fun and enjoyable.
Please, please, please make sure you’re doing daily self-care practices. If you need help with that, click this link.
With boatloads of courage and oceans of love,