How to Move Through Uncomfortable Conversations

First up, it’s time for another remote healing Open House and you’re invited. I’ll be guiding the group through a BEST/Spiritual BEST session (Bio-Energetic Synchronization Technique) session.

Because BEST works on an energetic level, it can be done in person or remotely and 1:1 or in groups. All of it is effective and wonderful. The Open House will be online - super easy to attend from the comfort of your own space. 

As the receiver, it’s a gentle experience where you focus on a specific breath pattern, an eye position, a number, some words and an emotion. It takes a little coordination and you just do your best (pun on purpose). People get the hang of it and the great thing is that it can only make things better. 

There’s no rehashing the past or reliving painful memories because we work with the energy that’s underneath the story rather than anything the mind has made up. 

The benefit of working with energy is that things can shift instantaneously whereas when we work with the mind and its perception of story, it can take years, decades or even a lifetime to unravel. 

So, what do you think? Would you like to give it a whirl?

If yes, all the details for the Open House are at this link. It’s complimentary so do join us if you’re curious. 

If you can’t make it live, there will be a replay available for 48 hours. 

BEST and Spiritual BEST are also a wonderful compliment to the 9D Breathwork sessions so if you’ve done one of those or you’re going to be doing the journey coming up later this month, the BEST session will help integrate and deepen the experience. 

BEST also enhances any other work you’re doing such as massage, chiropractic, Craniosacral therapy, Reiki, acupuncture, etc. 

I hope to see you at the Open House (and PS - you don’t need to be on camera). You can go incognito and receive the benefits in a totally introverted way - hooray!

And now onto this week’s topic -

how to move through difficult/uncomfortable conversations

Such a conversation came up unexpectedly during our family on the West Coast Trail adventure (Yes, I’m still talking about the trip… there was just so much interesting and useful material that emerged along the way!)

On the first day of 6, several hours into the hike, Paul, the kids and I were feeling great. We arrived at our destination - a campground by the sea - but Zoe and Oakley asked if we could go further. After checking in to make sure everyone felt good enough to walk with our backpacks for a few more hours, we decided to proceed. The sun was shining, spirits were high and we decided to capitalize. 

As you can probably guess, a couple of hours later, the only thing that was the same was that the sun was still shining. Shoulders were aching, feet were sore and enthusiasm was waning (from people of the teenage variety). We weren’t at our destination, though, so we had to keep going. 

After a lot more hiking (and spinal compression thanks to our heavy packs), we arrived. The sunlight was waning and stomachs were grumbling. We got settled, set up our tent (with a million dollar view right on the beach and no other campers in sight) and made dinner. 

We were all pretty tired. There’s nothing like a backpack filled with a week’s worth of food and gear to turn a walk into a much more intense experience. 

A Surprising Turn of Events

After dinner, with things winding down, our kids courageously brought up an uncomfortable topic.

“We don’t like this,” said Zoe (the apparent spokesperson). “We don’t want to be here or finish the trail.”

Paul and I were quite surprised as our kids tend to love a physical challenge, being outdoors and having adventures. 

“Tell us more about that,” Paul said strategically.

“I’m feeling very disheartened that we still have five more days of this,” Zoe told us. “I would rather be at home.”

An older version of me would have taken all of this very personally and been quite victim-y about it. The current version of me did some central channel breathing instead and knew it would be better to seek to understand. 

“What would you like to do about that?” I asked after thanking them for sharing what was going on for them. 

Shoulders shrugged but no ideas were offered. 

Staying Grounded

We asked again for some ideas. “Let’s brainstorm to see what we come up with,” said Paul. 

The kids didn’t have any (that they were willing to share).

I said, “I guess we could get evacuated… That’s an option although I don’t think it’s really for people who don’t want to do it. It’s more for emergencies, but we could see if that’s possible.”

We talked about that option for a bit and the kids saw that we were willing to entertain ideas.

Zoe said, “Could we hike further each day so we could finish in 5 days instead of 6? That would be better if we could just be done sooner.” Oakley nodded in agreement.

Paul and I told them we would think about it and have a discussion. 

My amazing husband thought it was a reasonable idea. I felt a little resistant because I was loving the experience and wanted to do what we signed up for (6 days, not 5). 

Paul then asked me what errors we made prior to the trip and if we could have done anything differently. We wondered and reflected:

>Did we not explain what this trip was clearly enough? 

>They hadn’t really been interested in any of the preparations so maybe that’s where we could have done better. 

>Could we have insisted that they be more involved in the planning so that they got a better sense of what to expect? 

We’d done shorter backpacking trips in the past so maybe this was just too much to spring on them. 

We asked each other if we should evacuate and decided probably not. If they were willing to shorten the trip, that seemed like a good option.

Ultimately, Paul and I decided that if we gave the kids a say in how the rest of the trip was going to go, they would hopefully feel more involved and empowered. 

We went back to them with an apology for not being more clear about what the trip entailed and said we could make the trip shorter if that would help them feel better about it. They agreed and so that’s what we did. 

As the days went on, they both adjusted to the rhythm and knew more about what to expect. By the end, they were both very happy that we had done it. Physically, they didn’t find it too much of a challenge. Emotionally and mentally was their growth edge and they both felt grateful that they stuck it out. 

Here’s us at the very end of the trail… waaaaaay down at the bottom of the giant ladder. 

The uncomfortable conversation ultimately yielded more connection for a number of reasons. Here’s what we did (and what we didn’t do) that led to an agreeable outcome. 

Uncomfortable Conversation To Do’s

1-Seek to understand, get curious and ask for more information; a great thing to say is: Tell me more about that

2-Take a deep belly breath in the moment (or many) if you feel like your mind wants to make more drama

3-Be loving

4-Stay in your own energy (by breathing or feeling your feet on the ground)

5-Take responsibility for your part (without blaming yourself or being overly self-critical)

6-Look for solutions together, brainstorm, find a win-win

7-Take a little break if necessary

8-Be flexible - we always say “Plans are just estimations of the future.”

Uncomfortable Conversation Not-To-Do’s

1-Blame, point fingers, take things personally, accuse or call each other names

2-Bring up things from the past to use as ammunition

3-Shut down and refuse to talk it through

4-Take out your emotions on each other

One of the best parts of the journey was that when we finished (without being evacuated - woohoo!), both kids thanked us for taking them on the trip. They were really proud of what they’d accomplished and grateful that we were able to work through the blip at the beginning. 

It was beautiful and satisfying to witness them connecting with the pace of nature without their phones and rediscovering who they really are without the usual world of distractions. By moving through the uncomfortable conversation with as much grace as we could muster, we were able to come through it together and our kids really got the message that we are on their side. 

May you have a beautiful week of staying in your own energy and finding abundant solutions. 

With expansive love and heartfelt courage,

Christina

>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Still loving the Olympics - did you see the BMX Bike Park events??? Insane! I felt like I was back in Disneyland just watching those wild and crazy athletes.

>So in love with summer and taking daily early morning walks in nature. How does life get any better than this?

The Big PS - this just in… I’m co-hosting a retreat at a spectacular boutique resort in Panama next spring! There will be daily yoga, introspection, self-discovery, breathwork, outstanding food, adventures, ocean time and plenty of rest and relaxation with an intimate community of like-minded people. Spots are very limited. Details are here. 

Here’s an amazing dinner I made when it was super hot outside and didn’t want to add more heat to the house. The whole family loved it so I say it’s a winner!

Updated Super Healthy Taco Salad with Amazing French Dressing

Salad: make a salad with any wonderful yummy fresh veggies in your fridge 

Ideas: romaine lettuce, spinach, arugula, shredded red cabbage and carrots, cherry tomatoes, sprouts/microgreens, cucumber, snap peas and so on

Plant-Based Topping: Big Mountain Lion’s Mane Mushroom Crumble (cooks up like ground beef, already flavoured, tastes fantastic and oh-so-good-for-you)

Dressing: this no oil, no vinegar, no salt, no sugar version of French dressing is a winner with its mango and tomato base (which sounds questionable but totally works)

Grain Free Taco Chips: crumble these grain-free, corn-free cassava chips chips on top or use them to scoop up the salad. We love the sea salt flavour. 

That’s it! Everyone in my family requested to have it again so that’s major evidence on how good it is - especially for something so healthy.

Since my family collectively has thousands of songs in our iTunes accounts, we listen to a lot of different music. It’s always an adventure when we choose shuffle and see what comes up. We skip a lot of songs, depending on our mood. 

Over the years, we’ve noticed that we never skip this song (or anything from this album, in fact). 

I just love singing along to Graceland by Paul Simon. The kids love it too. We’ve had many a family singalong thanks to the fantastic rhythms, insightful lyrics and uplifting vibe.

I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. It’s 5 minutes well-spent. 

Listen to Graceland by Paul Simon on iTunes

Listen to Graceland by Paul Simon on Spotify