Oh this being human... there's so much to learn. Take this morning, for example.
First of all, Paul (my beloved) and I slept through the alarm. That meant that there wasn't quite enough time to make the oatmeal I wanted. Paul suggested I make a tasty melange I've made in the past because it would be speedier.
It's this amazing blend of cooked apples in coconut oil, with peanut butter, and honey. Then it gets combined with other fresh fruit. Today's selection was mango, blueberries and capeberries (those tangy yellow berries that come with their own little leafy jacket). Finally, I planned to top it with the buckwheat and oat granola I made earlier this week along with some maple cinnamon coconut flakes. It was going to be so good!
I was happily bustling about, cutting the fruit and getting the bowls out, when I opened the lid to the apple pan. "Ohhhhhh noooooooo!" I cried out dramatically. "It's allllllllll burnt!"
The bottom of the pan was a crispy black char of the golden nectar, formerly known as honey. The apples showed (minor) signs of blackening as well. Paul said, "It's fine. The apples are barely burnt. They'll just be caramelized."
Determined to continue the drama, I cried, "No! The burnt flavour will have gone through everything. It's ruuuuiinnneeeddddd!" (ruined, if all those extra letters confused your brain)
Paul assured me it would be fine, but I was resolute in my grumpiness. One part of my mind offered the thought that it was just breakfast and it didn't matter. It suggested I let it go and move on swiftly. The other part of my mind wanted to revel in the grouchiness. That part won.
My kids, Zoe and Oakley, tried to lighten the mood. They started dishing out the apple mixture into bowls. "DON't put any in mine. I don't want burnt food," I told them bitterly.
Paul was undeterred. He put on Justin Bieber and pulled me into a dance. I moved along stiffly with him and pressed down the smile that threatened to form on my lips. I wanted to be GRUMPY!!!
He said, "You're really not going to give in? You told Zoe yesterday that dancing solves all problems."
Man, is it hard to swallow your own medicine sometimes!
I slumped into my chair at the table with my meager breakfast. There wasn't much food in my bowl because I refused the ravaged apples. Now I was angry that I was going to be hungry.
Paul and the kids tried their breakfast. They assured me that the apples didn't taste burnt at all. "Fine. Put some in my bowl then," I said stoically. I ended up with exactly the breakfast I had planned and it was delicious.
Sadly, I spent about 15 minutes down in the dumps. Some would say that I wasted that time, but in retrospect, I don't think I did. It wasn't my finest moment, but there were definitely some gifts.
Here are my insights from my burnt breakfast:
1. If everything would have gone as planned, I wouldn't have gotten to dance in the kitchen with Paul. I wouldn't have been able to receive the gifts of my kids trying to lighten the mood in their sweet ways. And I wouldn't have the opportunity to entertain you with my human-ness in this post. Gratitude is helpful when things don't go as planned.
2. This morning's drama reminded me that I'm definitely not perfect and that I teach what I teach because there is still plenty of room for me to keep learning and growing. Courageous Self-Care is a work in progress.
3. I'm still ambivalent about Justin Bieber.
In other news, Zoe launched her own podcast this week. It's called Confessions of a New Age Teenager, and since I'm her mom, I think it's sensational. It's a little sarcastic, a lot insightful and a great way to spend 10 minutes.
One kind listener sent an email saying that Zoe's reflections reminded him of those from Antoine de Saint Exupery, in the Little Prince. Pretty high praise for a 13-year-old!
Thank you for spending some time reading this post. I appreciate you and am so grateful for you.
Yours in courage and love,
PS - If you're in Calgary and would like to learn how to access your intuition on demand and become calm in the center of chaos, check out the upcoming Self-Care Pop Up. Click here for details.