Have you grieved the little losses?

Uncategorized May 17, 2022

Life can be filled with little disappointments and losses. If you have a habit of sweeping those under the rug (either purposefully with positive thinking or inadvertently by suppressing or just not paying attention) those little losses can really add up. 

A few weeks ago, one of our favourite restaurants closed. It was our family go-to and we loved the food, the atmosphere and the owner. Now it’s gone and that’s sad. It got me to thinking how so many parts of my life only exist in my memory because things have changed in the outer world. 

Most of the places I worked growing up are gone. Places that I loved going to with my kids when they were little have vanished or gotten updated. Friends that I was once really close with have moved on. 

While it’s all well and good to be optimistic and positive, if you don’t take time to grieve the little losses, they will collectively create a big block in your energy field caused by unresolved emotion, so here’s what I suggest in 5 simple steps.

Step 1

Make a list of places, people, or things that are no longer in your life. Focus on the ones that have a feeling of sadness, regret, grief or longing. To put it succinctly, you miss them.

For example, I miss:

  • Planet Organic - a wonderful health food store where I went several times a week with my kids when they were little. They gave out free cosmic cookies (yes, they were as amazing as they sound). We loved it there.
  • Foo - the restaurant that just closed. Mark, the owner, made an exceptional paneer dish with butter chicken sauce. Yum. and Sigh.
  • My Grandma and Grandpa Frank’s cottage on Clear Lake in Ontario. We went there for many summers. I loved laying on the dock by the lake, waterskiing, taking boat trips through the locks, going to see the “Horse in the House” which was a skeleton of a horse that had wandered into an abandoned house and fallen through the floor. 
  • My Granny and Grandpa’s gorgeous log home that they built outside of Ottawa in Ontario. It had a periwinkle blue tin roof that was so loud when it rained and a screened-in porch where we ate all our meals. 
  • Art Central - an art collective in downtown Calgary that is no more. There was a Koi pond that my kids loved and all sorts of galleries to admire and purchase art. 
  • My friend Jill. After our daughters were born, we would talk for hours. Our girls grew up together and we had so much fun. Then, for unknown reasons (to me at least), the relationship came to a close. 

Step 2

Notice how you feel about your list. When I read over my list, I feel sad, disappointed, nostalgic, happy for the memories - a real mix. Allow yourself to really feel what’s there. Put your hands on your heart and honour your feelings. If tears come, let them fall. If other emotions show up, welcome them in. 

Step 3

Scan your body and find where the emotions reside as sensation. When I do that, I notice heaviness in my heart and prickling behind my eyes. Pay attention to the sensations for a little while. 

Step 4

Love what is. Say to yourself out loud or in your head: Part of me that feels sad, longing, disappointed (or whatever you’re feeling), I love you. I’m here for you. I’m never going away. Thank you for trying to get my attention. I’m here for you. I love you.

Step 5

Take some nice deep belly breaths as slowly as possible. 

Why this works

Pretty much every issue that shows up in our lives, whether it’s physical, emotional, relational or anything else has to do with unresolved emotion. Emotions are energy and they need some place to go. If they get ignored, they land in the body and try to get your attention. 

By paying attention in several ways (discovering the emotions, finding them in the body and loving into what’s there), they finally have some place to go and they won’t need to get your attention anymore because they get integrated. 

The majority of our issues come from resisting what’s there emotionally. When you honour and acknowledge the emotions, they get resolved. If you choose to resist feeling them, they will persist and cause all sorts of commotion.

Voilà!

That’s it. Paying attention to the little losses may sound deceptively simple, but I assure you, it’s magical. Take 10 minutes and give it a go. You’ll be amazed at what happens as a result. 

Hint: results include forgiveness, letting go, freedom, a new sense of lightness, and even an energetic facelift! You'll be glowing.

Life can be painful, but we don’t have to suffer for extended periods of time. Pay attention to the little losses and honour them. It’s a profound gift you can give yourself. 

When you do the process, let me know what happens for you. I’d love to hear. If any questions come up, please ask by sending me an email. I love answering questions. 

May you feel light, liberation and love this week. 

With immense love and tremendous courage,

Christina

>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Lover of what is

>Celebrator of all the parts of life, including the tough stuff

PS - Have you taken the Self-Care Quiz? Click here to discover your self-care style.