Are you giving to this yourself first?

Uncategorized Jan 24, 2023

Many years ago, I did most things in my life to impress other people. 

I wanted to inspire. 

I wanted to prove that I was amazing.

I wanted to matter.

Those were the days of overdoing pretty much everything. 

  • Over-giving
  • Over-trying
  • Over-committing
  • Over-efforting

It there was a way of ‘overing’ something, I did it.

I was very concerned about my image and I spent a great deal of effort and time trying to live up to this gargantuan version of myself that I’d created. Not only live up to it, really, but to exceed it. 

As you can imagine, it was exhausting. And really not sustainable.

I was very externally oriented. I would do anything for acknowledgement and recognition. When I hosted workshops and retreats in those days, I wouldn’t let myself feel successful at the end until I had read the feedback forms. If the comments were positive then - yay! - it must have been a good workshop. 

If there was even one hint of criticism (such as the time I gifted a woman a 3-day workshop and she told me that all the music I used was ‘old’ - said with a turned-up nose and the air of Cruella DeVille -) then I would spend weeks ruminating, trying to see where I went wrong. 

It wasn’t until I learned this very important paradigm shift that life got better.

What you think you need from others, you must give to yourself first. 

  • Want more respect? You must give it to yourself first (and especially to your intuition).
  • Want more praise and acknowledgement? You must give it to yourself first (and especially to your inner child).
  • Want more love? You must give it to yourself first (and especially to the part of you that you wish were different or that ‘need to be fixed’).

Once I started showering myself with the love and attention I gave to others, everything changed.

For example, I now give myself so much praise and acknowledgement that I am completely filled up. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone (or prove myself to myself!). 

Because like attracts like, I now get all sorts of acknowledgement and praise from the outer world. Oakley has been busking up a storm at local farmers' markets and he’s so good and charismatic that people come up to me (they guess I’m his mom because I’m glowing with pride) and they shower me with praise, saying I must be an excellent mom to have such a well-mannered and talented young man.

It’s certainly lovely. I receive it fully AND the best part is that I don’t NEED it. It’s like the icing on the cake (but only the really good kind of icing made from whipped coconut cream and maple syrup, none of that yucky supersweet icing sugar concoction masquerading as yumminess).


So, what would you like more of in your life? I encourage you to do an experiment this week using these 3 simple steps.

1- Identify something you would like more of in your life.

2- Practice giving it to yourself first.

3- Track your findings (because when you track things, you’re putting your focus on them and what you focus on expands).

And then be amazed. It will seem like people in your outer world magically change, but what’s really happening is that you’re transforming your own energy which results in your outer world shifting as a result. It’s truly magical.

May you delight in giving to yourself this week.

With generous love and bountiful courage,


>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Reporting in on the poinsettia: it’s still alive! Yay me! And yay nature!


PS - Join me on Friday for a Body Awake Yoga quickie. 30 minutes. Starts at 9am Mountain. A replay will be provided to all community members to do at your convenience.

PPS -  Did you watch the hilarious Advent Calendar Planning Session video I made last week just for fun? At least I think it’s hilarious because wigs! And accents! And you can see the weirdest advent calendar images ever! Have a peek here.



I never watch the news or listen to the radio. My intention is to be very conscientious about the information that I invite into our home and into my mind (both the conscious and the subconscious). 

To that end, I would love to share my only magazine subscription with you. It’s called Kamp Solutions and it’s about all the good news that’s happening in the world. Articles feature changemakers and disruptors who are really going for it and making a positive difference in the world. 

We like to discuss what we learn with our teenage kids to counteract the barrage of negative information that seems to be required learning at school in subjects like Biology and Social Studies. We want them to know that people are inherently good, that there are solutions and somewhere, someone is living their passion by working on them.

Plus, the magazine is printed on stone paper which feels amazing and is made from mining waste that would otherwise never get used. I think that is so cool!

You can order a free copy by clicking here