3 Simple Ways to Stay in Your Own Energy

Uncategorized Mar 05, 2024

It’s been a week.

And the silver lining is that I got to practice staying in my own energy.

For all you parents/caregivers out there, I would hazard to say that you’ve gotten to experience the emotional roller coaster when your beloved child is in pain - either physical or emotional. 

One of the best skills I’ve learned is how to stay in my own energy amidst chaos. 

Benefits of Staying in Your Own Energy

Why would you want to do that, you might ask?

Well, when you stay in your own energy, you’re better able to: 

>make level-headed decisions 

>refrain from adding to the stress/worry/fear 

>be of benefit to everyone around you by being grounded and centred 

I’m going to share with you a small fraction of our tumultuous week and then we’ll go into the 3 simple ways to stay in your energy. Ready?

The Week 

Last week, Paul and I gave some sessions at the Teachers’ Convention in Red Deer, Alberta. Since Zoe and Oakley are now 18 and 15, we left them at home, trusting that it would give them the opportunity to take care of themselves and connect with each other sans parents. 

We drove out on Wednesday night. Paul was scheduled for 6+ hours of sessions on Thursday and then my 3 sessions were booked for Friday. That meant that I had a glorious day of freedom planned for Thursday - no house maintenance, no chauffeuring, no meal prep - just endless opportunities to accomplish things with no distractions. 

You know the saying “When you make plans, God laughs?” At this point, I feel like there was little cosmic chuckling in the background.

Partway through Thursday, I got a phone call from Zoe. She tearfully told me that she had fallen off the bouldering wall (where climbers don’t clip in because they’re not going extremely high) and had hurt her arm. (It’s still quite a fall from 10 feet.)

It caught me off-guard, to say the least. Since Paul has all sorts of training and certifications in first aid and wilderness safety, he is usually the one who deals with that kind of thing with the kids but he was mid-session so it was up to me. 

I asked Zoe what she was going to do and found out that her friend was going to drive her to urgent care. Since I couldn’t do much from Red Deer (apart from energetically), that sounded like a reasonable plan. 

A few hours later, we discovered that Zoe’s elbow was broken. On her dominant hand. Oi.

By this point, Paul had finished his sessions and so he talked with Zoe, asking her about her visit with the doctor. Turns out, he was quite unhelpful. He didn’t give Zoe any information about what to do apart from the instruction to come back a week later. Oh - and he gave her a sling. 

No info about what to do about the intense pain, or to ice or elevate. Nothing. 

Paul called them at urgent care and spoke with the doctor. Since it was Zoe’s first time doing anything medical without a parent, she hadn’t known what questions to ask, so Paul was able to get a bit more guidance. 

Being that it was Zoe’s right arm, we quickly realized she wouldn't be able to cook, drive, or do anything we had planned for her to do in our time away. My mom offered to help the kids out and said she could stay with them until we returned. Phew!

It’s quite an experience to have a child going through a tough time when you’re not right there to help and support. It’s not my favourite, I have to say. 

However, I was able to do a few practices that helped me stay in my own energy so I could be as supportive as possible. 

Last year, when I read Drew Barrymore’s memoir, there was a line that stood out for me. She said that our children don’t need our worry, they need our strength. I agree. 

If you pour your worry into someone else then you’re adding a vibration of fear to their experience - not so helpful, right?

When you can stay in your own energy, though, you contribute to their healing and well-being.

Here are the 3 ways you can do that. (Of course, there are more than 3… these are just the ones that work the best for me.)

3 Ways to Stay in Your Own Energy

First off, you're not in your own energy when your mind is running wild. If it has a tendency to go to worst-case scenario, make outlandish predictions or jump into the future, then you’ve moved outside your own energy. 

Likewise, if you find that you’re feeling anything but centred and strong, it means that your emotional energy and focus have strayed. 

You don’t have to feel devastated to be helpful. You don’t have to go through what other people are going through to be compassionate. 

We are most powerful and effective when we’re aligned with inner peace, calm and love. 

How to do that? 

Here are my go-to’s:

1- Feel your feet on the ground

Put as much attention as you can on the sensation of your feet and their connection to the earth. When you’re focused on that, your mind can’t be in story by making things up or worrying. If it wanders away from your feet, bring it back. As many times as it takes.

The mind might question whether you can really make a difference by feeling your feet on the earth. YES. Absolutely, without a doubt. Because, again, you are staying centred and aligned. You will have the most impact from that grounded place.

2- Notice the breath in the body

Take several belly breaths and notice what it feels like as your belly expands and contracts. Focus on the sensation. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensation of breathing in the belly. 

By doing so, you get your brain and body out of fight or flight and into the parasympathetic system from which you can access the pre-frontal cortex, thereby enhancing your ability to think clearly. 

If you know how to do Central Channel Breathing, that’s a great thing to do too. It’s my go-to and is super effective. Belly breathing works too, though. You can’t underestimate the value of a nicely oxygenated brain.

3- Rather than feeling helpless, send love and light

Envision the person accessing their power to heal and anything else that seems helpful. Surround them in your mind’s eye with light. Imagine them moving their breath through any area of the body that has stuck energy. Rather than sending worry, send love. 

As you do some version of this practice, stay connected with your own body, especially your core. Feel the sensations in your heart, solar plexus, belly or anywhere else that is calling your attention. When you send love and light from this powerful place, you’re not draining anything in yourself. You’re giving from the overflow. 

These 3 steps have come in handy over the last week. The broken elbow was only one of many unexpected blips and so there have been a multitude of opportunities to put them into practice. 

They work! I hope you find them helpful. You can do one at a time, cycle through them or pick your favourite and go with that. 

We are more powerful than we know and when we can stay in a centred and grounded place, people around us feel comforted and soothed, even if we don’t have the right words or have a part of the mind trying to trick us into believing we can’t really make a difference. 

A Little Something Extra

Oh - and here’s a little bonus tip - love whatever is showing up. Embrace what is. 

For example, as Zoe goes through this experience, it’s brought up all sorts of emotions in me. I have felt sad, devastated, angry, annoyed, frustrated and more. For each one, when that part shows up, I pay attention to it. 

I say to myself, “Part of me that feels _____, I accept that you’re here. Thank you for getting my attention. I love you because I’m practicing giving unconditional love to all the different parts of me.”

Over and over, when I say something like that, the part in question gets what it needs and then melts. It no longer needs to be so intense to get some love and attention. It’s magic… Magic I tell you!

Hopefully, this information is helpful for you. The more we can stay in our own energy, the more impact we’ll have and the more we’re contributing to global peace with our inner peace. 

May you have a week of feeling oh-so-empowered and filled with inner strength.

With aligned love and expanding courage,


>Creator of Courageous Self-Care

>Grateful to be home :) 

>Seeing one of the blessings in the broken elbow; Zoe had planned to spend a month in Vancouver and was set to drive out this past weekend. She had to postpone and what a gift - she would have been driving through a blizzard so thank you Universe!

PS - Save the date for the upcoming Courageous Self-Care 1/4 Year Review. We’ll gather on March 23 at 9am Mountain/8am Pacific for a powerful process of gathering the good that’s already happened and celebrating ourselves so that we can move forward into the next quarter with clarity and confidence. More details in next week’s email.


Speaking of blizzards, I wanted to share this practice I learned in The Surrender Experiment  (so good!) by Michael A. Singer. 

No matter what the weather is, rather than complaining about it, simply say, “It’s snowing/raining/blizzarding/gale-force-winds/etc. How beautiful.” 

In doing so, you come to a peaceful place of acceptance and appreciation. There’s no point in complaining about the weather because we can’t change it. Instead, give this practice a try. I’ve found that it’s helped me feel even more aligned and connected with nature. 

“It’s snow-globe snowing. How beautiful.”

When I was in University, I worked at a lovely little clothing boutique called Crabapple Cottage. On Thursday nights I worked alone and it was often not all that busy. It was just me, the gorgeous clothes and the music.

I have special memories of those nights, particularly in the winter. The snow was falling outside and I got to play dress-up while Natalie Cole serenaded me. Plus, I got paid to do it! What could be better?

Whenever I hear Natalie Cole and a song from her Unforgettable album, I’m instantly whisked back into those magical times. Here’s one of my favourites.

Listen to The Very Thought of You by Natalie Cole on iTunes

Listen to The Very Thought of You by Natalie Cole on Spotify